Friday, October 30, 2009

One for the road

Anyone who has known me for any length of time will tell you that I have a very... unique sense of humor. I'm the person in the movie theater who's cracking up at some obscure reference that nobody else gets. A perfect example was the time I saw Finding Nemo in the theater. I laughed my fool head off when Marlin finally told the punch line to his joke. (For those who haven't seen the movie, he says, "With fronds like these, who needs anemones?")

So in that vein, here are some jokes that my sister-in-law sent me. She wrote at the top when she forwarded it, "I think this is right up your alley". She was right. (I don't know where #12 is, sorry!)

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent...

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home .."
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

13. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel..

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said. "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.'
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him .... a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

21. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Have a great weekend everyone!

4 fellow footsteps:

Sara said...

Somebody must have censored #12. It wasn't in the email I received either. :0

Kaz Dragon said...

A funny thing happened the other day. I was walking down the road when I saw two young lads hanging around outside the shop. I looked more carefully, and saw that one of them was drinking battery acid, while the other was eating a firework. "This is dodgy," I thought, so called the police. They came along and arrested them immediately. I checked with them later, and found that one of them had been charged, while the other was let off.

Linda said...

I loved all of these as I do love a good pun and silly jokes. The one about the clown tasting funny is just priceless as I think all clowns should be eaten!

Barb said...

Thanks for the laughs! Now I have to go watch the Tom Jones video :)